Don’t you just wish you didn’t try tequila last night? How did one shot become twelve, and why do you have an obscene drawn-on appendage on your forehead?

Wait, what’s that? Your head is throbbing? Your gut feels like it wants to purge for eternity? Your eyes are burning an endless hell flame? Well, sorry to say, but you’re suffering from a hangover. You already knew that but we wanted to rub it in your face.

They’re not the easiest to deal with. Hangovers make us all want to scream our brain fluid out, lie on a solid surface to avoid motion, and stay away from anything that smells like food, except bacon.

But funny how, even though we’ve come a long way, there is still no definitive cure for a hangover. Or is there? Let’s have a look at your options before your brain implodes.

Avoiding alcohol

The best cure is abstinence. But we know you’re not going to listen, so let’s move on.

Water

Your throat is dry, isn’t it? That raspy voice sounds delicious, but we know it’s the vodka that stripped the lining within your voice box. Drinking water is a good idea. It’s especially good to do so before drinking alcohol, just before you hit the sack after drinking and when you wake up. During the day try to stay hydrated. However, water doesn’t really cure hangovers. It’s just helps with rehydrating, which eases the symptoms.

Oily breakfast

If you can stomach it, oily breakfasts are said to have a remedying effect on hangovers. According to old wives tails, consuming eggs, bacon and toast can stave off the symptoms of an upset stomach. This is because the food soaks up the remaining alcohol that’s in your gut and breaks it down. However, this is not scientifically backed, and even if your stomach relaxes, you’re still going to feel other symptoms of the hangover throughout the day.

Painkillers

That gut wrenching headache you’re experiencing is due to two reasons, one of which is an immune response and the other is dehydration. Since we know you had an entire ocean of water before bed, then your headache could be because of the first reason. As such, medical practitioners may recommend taking a paracetamol just as you wake up. This combined with water has been said to have a good effect on the symptoms, but it won’t help if you binged.

Hangover clinics

If you’ve partied in Las Vegas, then you’ve undoubtedly stepped into a hangover clinic once or twice, or every day you were there. If not, then you’d be happy to know that they’re relatively new, and it’s not that you’ve been too hungover to notice them. Practitioners make use of IV Fluids, Nausea Treatment and Inflammation Drugs as well as vitamins to treat all the symptoms. It’s said to be very effective, but not all of us have the extra cash to burn on such a treatment every weekend.

To be honest, science is yet to come up with a full-proof hangover cure. In fact, only until recently did science begin to understand hangovers. So there isn’t a fast way to cure one. If you do want to find the best remedy for curing them, drink plenty of water, eat food before you drink, take painkillers when you wake up, eat a hearty breakfast and stay in bed for a while. It won’t cure your hangover right away, but it will help.

Or you can always try abstaining.

Never mind.